DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills

DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills help you ask for what you want, say no, and navigate conflict while protecting both your relationships and your self-respect. They're organized into three acronyms, each for a different priority in a conversation.

DEAR MAN — getting your objective

The skill for making a request or saying no clearly and effectively: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, stay Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate. For a full walk-through with dialogue examples, see Front Range Treatment Center's guide to DEAR MAN.

GIVE — keeping the relationship

When the relationship matters most: be Gentle, act Interested, Validate the other person, use an Easy manner. GIVE keeps the connection intact even when you're asking for something hard.

FAST — keeping your self-respect

When your self-respect is on the line: be Fair, no unnecessary Apologies, Stick to your values, be Truthful. FAST helps you walk away from a conversation still feeling like yourself.

Choosing your priorities

Not every conversation needs all three. DBT teaches you to weigh what matters most — the objective, the relationship, or your self-respect — and lead with the right skill.

Where interpersonal effectiveness fits

It's one of the four DBT modules, alongside mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation. New to DBT? See what DBT skills are.

Learn these skills in a live class

Our Introduction to DBT Skills course teaches interpersonal effectiveness and all four modules live over Zoom. If you're supporting a loved one with strong emotions, our DBT Skills for Friends and Family course focuses these skills on that relationship.

Common questions

What are the DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills?

The DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills are three acronyms: DEAR MAN (for asking for what you want or saying no), GIVE (for keeping the relationship), and FAST (for keeping your self-respect). Together they help you get your needs met while protecting your relationships and self-respect.

What is DEAR MAN?

DEAR MAN is the DBT skill for making a request or saying no effectively: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, stay Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate. It gives you a clear structure for difficult conversations.

What is the difference between GIVE and FAST?

GIVE (be Gentle, act Interested, Validate, use an Easy manner) focuses on preserving the relationship. FAST (be Fair, no unnecessary Apologies, Stick to values, be Truthful) focuses on preserving your self-respect. You choose the emphasis based on what matters most in the moment.